Planting Apple Tree was the turning-point in my life

During my recuperation from several surgeries from my brain aneurysm rupture, I could not even walk properly, and I could not sit or stand more than one hour three years ago.

I was very, very frustrated, and my activiteis were limited and confined. I could not do my own groceries.  I could not travel too long.  I was desperately seeking a way to improve my physical set-backs. Of many neurosurgeons I had during four times of brain-related surgeries, one day, one of my neurosurgeons was very short and had bad bedside manner in the cruelest attitude.  I had so many questions. I wanted to get more information. He kept his distance by standing near the door and did not even examine me during my appointment with him.  He finished his speech and left the room, closeing all the door of the possibilities in my hope. This neurosurgeon told me that he had nothing to offer. I sat at the patient room for a while. Tears rolled on my cheeks. I had no idea where to start.

I came home from the hospital, but was exhausted. I was forced to prepare my dinner and eat because I realized that I had not eaten all day after my breakfast.  I had to eat to maintain myself. As I was forcing myself to eat the third spoonful of soup, I suddenly felt the emptiness. I felt that I was not worth at all. I felt hopelessness. I did not want to suffer. I did not want to be in pain. I did not want to be in frustration.

This was not a life I wanted to live. This was not a life I dreamed of. I did not want to live anymore. I just wanted to end my life so that I could suffer less. My mind was swirling with the thoughts of committing suicide. I googled, “Best way to commit suicide” and was surprised obtaining so many results. I was thinking of my mom when she had the toughest time in her life.  I felt that she came to me from the other side of this physical world. But, in front of me, there were tons of information about committing suicide. I was soooo tired to go through all the search results. I needed a rest. I was not thinking properly. I lied down to rest and went to sleep immediately. Even forgot brushing my teeth.

The following morning, I woke up with the sound of birds— lovely and delightful singing. I said to myself: Today was the tomorrow of yesterday. Yesterday was my miserable day. I could have ended my life yesterday. That meant, I would not have today as the tomorrow of yesterday. I would not have a chance to listen these lovely and delightful birds’ singing.

Tomorrow!
Yesterday!
Today!

Suddenly, I remembered the quote from a philosopher, Benedict de Spinoza from Netherland, “Even though the world should see the end tomorrow, I will plant an apple tree.”

Literally, I got two apple trees, and planting Apple Tree was the turning-point in my life.

If you think

If you think you are the best, I am going to hit your head with a sponge axe.


If you think your race is the best, I am going to hit your head with a sponge axe.

If you think your religion is the best, I am going to hit your head with a sponge axe.

If you think your God is the best, I am going to hit your head with a sponge axe.

If you think your country is the best, I am going to hit your head with a sponge axe.

Happy Cosmos flower from my backyard garden

Happy Cosmos Flower


Cosmos blossoms are my mom’s favorite. The word 'Cosmos' is from a Greek word meaning harmony or ordered universe. What a coincident that my mom's name is Hung-Soon, Park (meaning comply the universal order).

My mom believed that trees, vegetables, flowers, rocks, and all objects have their own spirits and desired to have a peaceful and happy coexistence. We as humankind need to respect them and learn from them all.

When my mom was young, Japanese forced her to dress like the Japanese and speak only Japanese, no more Korean. No more Korean clothes and no more Korean name. Like all others, she had a Japanese name. She suffered from starvation and almost died several times from the frequent bombing and gun-fire during wars. She fantasized to dream about eating one big bowl of rice, which she could not have in real life. She attended school for only a few months. She was forced to stop going to school and asked either to harvest wild potatoes and radishes or to take care of her younger siblings. She never had the opportunities of schooling. She was crying because she did not get the education that she had dreamed for. She cried from starvation.

As an adult, she married to her husband, who was an angel when he was not drinking, but was a monster when drunk. In his youth, during the Japanese occupation, her husband’s mother hid him for many months in a small hole dug underneath the kitchen to keep him taken away to be a human shield. It was common for Korean boys as young as 10 years of age to be used as human shields. However, he was eventually found by Japanese policemen who beat him until he was near death. In order to ease the pain from the beating, his mother made him fermented-rice wine, which he continued to drink after his body had healed. During the many months of recovery he drank more and more to forget the physical and psychological pain. When later he was married he would get drunk and brutally beat his wife and insulted her. When he was not drinking, he was a totally different person. When he drank, she would cry knowing that of the beating and of the humiliation. She had to work all day to make money to buy rice so that her children and family would not starve to death. She was exhausted from working all day in a neighbor’s house, washing and cleaning by hand; She felt her body and mind were burned-out. She learned to survive, but came home to a brutal beating that awaited her. She never understood the reason of beating. She sobbed because she was human.

My mom had 5 children; 2 sons and 3 daughters. She is not ordinary mother, but is Korean mother and superb mom because she had suffered the effects of post traumatic stress disorder during and after the wars. My mom was one of the war victims in different ways, suffering physically, emotionally, and financially. She was born  in Korea (Dae Han Min Kuk), which contains the syllable— ‘Han’ that translates as ‘heart-burnings’ ‘bitterness’ or ‘broken-heart’ of agony and lived in the crying land. Therefore, with a full of ‘Han’ with bitterness and broken-heart of agony, nobody, no one helped, no one helped my mom to cope. My mom had to survive within given limitations. Korean mothers had to learn not only to survive, but also to save their children during and after the wars. The hardship she encountered allowed to produce wisdom and creativity.

My mother did not have dreams for herself, but she did have dreams for her children. Children are her life. Children are her hope. Children are her dream. Children are her desire. She could do anything for her children. She could do anything if the child is in need of help. She could do if the child is in danger. Therefore, my mother was nameless, dreamless, selfless and hopeless for herself, but has huge dreams for her children.

My mom worked hard at various jobs. She cleaned, washed other houses, farmed, cooked, and washed other people’s clothing. Throughout her whole life she rarely had a break, rarely had holidays. She was exhausted all the time, but did not mind her hard works in order to provide education our siblings and I needed. She was owners of Korean traditional restaurants over 3 decades. She often said that love is the most important ingredient in both the cooking and sharing of food. She lived and breathed these words into me, and her generosity of feeding street people with hope of saving good karma for me and my sibling. She kindled us having good heart and honest.


I am very humbled about being a daughter of my mom.
Thank you for being my mom!
I love you!
I miss you!
Thank you for Happy Cosmos Flower to remind me of my mother!
Thank you for all mothers in the planet!

In love with Moon

I am in love with Moon!

Reminds me of my grandma who lost everything at the age of 13

Because of Greedy people

Because of Wars

Because of Atrocities

My grandma learned to cry in the night

Learned to cry in front of Moon

Learned to cry in the rain

Learned to cry in silence

My grandma learned to talk to Full Moon

So that no one noticed her crying

So that no one listened her talk

Only Moon can listen!

Only Moon can hear!

This was the only way she could save herself

This was the only way she could save her remaining children

This was the only way

Talking to Moon

This was the only way

Crying in front of Moon

She survived

With her wisdom, she saved my dad

Even if my dad was beaten near-death twice

By Greedy people

I am her granddaughter!

I miss her so much!

But, my grandma converted her resentment into compassion

For the perpetrators of wars.

The moon listened my grandma's heart-breaking stories

The moon witnessed my grandma's cry

The same Moon lived with our history since the beginning
The same Moon witnessed our uncles death because of Greedy people
The same Moon witnessed our aunts' death because of Atrocities

The same Moon will shine tonight.
The same Moon will shine in our children.
The same Moon will shine in our future.
I am in love with Moon!
I love you!

60 years ago today...

60 years ago today, Korean War started (June 25, 1950). For the 36 years of the Japanese Occupation of Korea (1910-1945), thousands of Koreans, including several members of my family and my extended family, were raped, tortured and slaughtered by the Japanese until America ended the war with the dropping of the two atomic bombs.


Upon Japanese unconditional surrender on August 15, 1945, an agreement was reached between the United States and the Soviet Union for the division of Korea.   This was done without our involvement:  the United States occupied South Korea and the Soviet Union occupied North Korea.

Began on June 25, 1950, N. Korea invaded S. Korea. The Korean War was a conflict between the Communist, North Korea, and the non-Communist, South Korea.  Many Chinese and American young soldiers died in addition to the countless Koreans casualties.  Many Korean War veterans suffered for post –traumatic syndromes.  My mom suffered. My dad suffered. My grandma suffered. I am their daughter and granddaughter.

There is a proverb in Korea about shrimps and whales. The little shrimps’ back get broken, when whales are fighting. Korea is the little shrimp while the US, Russia, China, and Japan are the whales. Korea’s back was broken in half into North and South. Whales either cover it up or erase history: the little shrimps with broken back are crying for their families, unbearable anguish, and the hope for the reunification of the two Korea. Divided in two always made us the victim country. On Korean Thanksgiving day and New Years’ day, some Koreans travel as far as they legally can within the DMZ. Facing to the North, they bowed down to the ground in front of the food-laden table and using chopstick, tossed some food to the North. This is where they left their families and where their hope to see them again. They cry in the DMZ longing for the family in the other Korea.

No matter how many different views I can think of, one thing never change— without our involvement, the Korean peninsula was split between the US and Russia in 1945 at the 38th parallel upon the surrender of Japan. I disagree with the statement, ‘Korean War is Korea invading Korea’ and I state that the major cause of the Korean War was from the involvement of the other countries, the rivalry between the communist and capitalist ideologies. The two superpowers governed by the same fear, each feared that the other would engulf the world. The communist and capitalist ideologies needed a battleground. Therefore, they used the land of Korea as slaughtering many innocent people in the process. Koreans have been suffering for years from the psychological impact of the War, which can be as destructive as actual wartime experience.

After having a prolonged treacherous fighting for three years and one month, it ended on July 27, 1953 without the signing of a peace treaty. Sixty years later, we are still at war— Real peace has not been shining at my birth land. 

War is not an answer.
War is not an answer.
War is not an answer.

Mother Strawberry vs. Father Strawberry

Mother Strawberry of 2010

My First Strawberry of 2010

Baby Strawberry of 2010

Mother Strawberry vs. Father Strawberry


I have been growing strawberries for two years. My strawberries are called 'June-Bearing' strawberries. Last year was my first year to have them, but I got NO strawberries due to the invasion from wild rabbits who ate all the strawberries and did not leave anything for me. Ummmm…very selfish!

I knew that I needed to be smarter than wild rabbits. I came up with an idea of putting chicken wires to protect my strawberries from selfish wild rabbits before they can finish them all early this year. I have been watching every day. I have been taken excellent care of my strawberries patches. I have checked every day if chicken wire stays the same as I put and if there is a sign of any attack from wild rabbits.

While I was observing strawberries patches every morning, interesting phenomenon was found. Based on my observation, Strawberries patches in my backyard were divided into two different groups: one group has strawberries—FRUIT-BEARING; the other has runners shooting—OFFSPRING-BEARING. Even if I was instructed to prune back the runners, I did not cut back the runners. I just let them do what they are intended to do because I want to see their growing tendency and temperament and I do not like manipulations.

After speculating for a while, I want to redefine these two different groups: FRUIT-BEARING vs. OFFSPRING-BEARING.

I call the first group of FRUIT-BEARING as Father Strawberry and the second group of OFFSPRING-BEARING as Mother Strawberry. This is exact explanation of Chi tendency between Em and Yang. Like our fathers, the Father Strawberry plants have several strawberries and keep producing new fruits. Like our mothers, the mother Strawberry plants nourish and allow the runners—her new babies— to take root and grow new plants. After having an excess of six runners, I was instructed to cut back the extra runners. This is to keep the mother plant strong with more vitality and produce strawberries. I did not do cuttings. I want to see how one mother strawberry can do or would do. One mother strawberry has 11 runners, which means that she has eleven children. This mother Strawberry plant seems exhausted with eleven children.

To me, it looks like reflecting the relationship of my mother and me. Just as mother hen protects her chick under the wings until a little chick can be her own, I lived under the umbrella of my mother’s pure and endless love, but covered with her extreme sacrifice and exhaustion. As I was my mom’s last child, she gave me all the love she could possibly provide. In this essence, I am very, very blessed! I miss my deceased mother so much. And also my loving father!

As I write this, I have so many questions to ask: How do they know each other?—one is responsible to play as acting mother, and the other is responsible to play as acting father.

Acting as female and male…Mother Strawberry and Father Strawberry…Em and Yang

How come they are evenly divided into two groups?

How do they define the groups?

Were they born as male and female becoming father and mother later?

Do the roles of male and female be interchangeable?

It seems strawberry feel the rhythm of the universe and the nature’s will to follow/obey the law of the universe. It seems they are constantly communicating with the physical law of the universe and apply them in their lives. It seems that Strawberry enjoy cheerful energy from Father Sun, cool energy from Mother Earth and contemplative energy from Grandmother Moon.

Based on my gardening experience, Strawberry is not the only plant doing listening, communicating, and following with the Universe, but also other flowers, plants and trees. There are neither existences nor non-existence, but have constant flow and communication with the Universe.

Like my happy Strawberries in my backyard garden, we need to enjoy cheerful energy from Father Sun, cool energy from Mother Earth and contemplative energy from Grandmother Moon. This will bring balance and harmony.

Thank you, my Strawberries, for giving me the life lessons in our life!




 

Happy Potato Flower

Beauty--ful Potato Flower from my happy backyard garden! 

For the past millennium, potatoes have been one of the most important food staples for human being and have played a major role in human life.  Potatoes are so nutritious— high in potassium and carbohydrates, low in fat and a good source of vitamins, minerals and fiber. It is important to use potatoes with skin when preparing potatoes since the potato skin contains various benefits and nutrients.

Potatoes have saved many populations from starvation and hunger during wars and people around the world, including my family during wartime as well as during the post-war period. I REALLY want to honor and express my gratitude to the amazing potato.

Between three and seven thousand years ago, potatoes were first cultivated in South America, near the shores of Titicaca Lake on the border between Perú and Bolivia and used in many areas. According to Dr. Hector Flores, "many expressions of the extended use of the potato in the pre-Inca cultures from the Peruvian Andes, as you can see in the Nazca and Chimu pottery."   The crop was spread from Peru to the rest of the Andes and to our whole world by Spanish Conquistadores when they were looking for the gold and silver in the New World, but found potatoes and corns  besides all the natural resources.

When I was a little girl, my mom served boiled potatoes between meals. I loved eating boiled potatoes by mashing with sugar and a pinch of salt.  My mom later confessed that potato between meals was used to substitute rice because my mom could not afford buying expensive rice.

At our vegetable garden during my childhood, my mom and grandma planted potatoes. They made potato soup, potato pancakes, boiled potatoes, simmering potatoes with soy source and sugar, fried potatoes, etc.

I loved them so much!

I want to honor potatoes as I remember my mother, grandmother and our ancesters who are no longer with us physically.
Thank you, potatoes, for saving us and our ancestors from starvation and hunger!

Thank you for being in my garden to share your journey with me!
Thank you,

Searing Black in Scorching Hot

From dirt, we all come
To dirt, we all return
Do you know?
You are the oldest brothers and sisters
Our mankind origin: Southern ape
Three million years ago
The oldest of all
You are oldest brothers and sisters
Searing Black
Living in scorching hot



From empty hand, we all come
To empty hand, we all return
Do you know?
You are the prettiest one
You have huge eyes
You have big mouth
You have thick lips
You have broad nose
You have woolly hair

You are soooooooo beautiful
You are the prettiest one
Searing Black
Living in scorching hot



From Mother Earth, we all come
To Mother Earth, we all return
Do you know?
You have the most generous heart

Smart enough to use tools
Smart enough to collect for food
Generous enough to share with others
Strong enough to form communities, large and small
You have the most generous heart
Searing Black
Living in scorching hot


From stardust, we all come
To stardust, we all return
Grounding to the mother earth
Being closest to Father sun
Time for sweating because it is too hot
Searing Black
Living in scorching hot

Heartbreaking throughout your life
Your land was invaded and violated
Your ancestors were crushed
Your ancestors were squeezed
By hungry people with more power
By greedy people with better weapons
Lost many, many young and old Black innocents
Lost uncorrupted Black women
Lost crying Black children

But,
You do not seem to know
Who is your enemy?
You do not seem to know
Now, you are fighting within your own brothers and sisters
Now, you are killing within your own brothers and sisters
Because you do not seem to know


You are the oldest brothers and sisters in our mankind
You do not seem to know
You are the prettiest one
Because you do not seem to know

You do not seem to know
You are the most generous one
Because you do not seem to know


You do not seem to know
You have the most wonderful heart
Because you do not seem to know
Singing from the heart
Sweating from the past
Suffering throughout your life
Too hot, scorching hot

You need to know
How beautiful you are…
The one with the most wonderful eyes


You need to know
How wonderful you are…
You need to know
You are oldest brothers and sisters from one family

You need to know
How generous you are…

But,
You do not seem to know
Searing Black
Living in scorching hot

Despite of suffering
Despite of losing your lands
Despite of being violating your bodies
Despite of losing innocent women and children
Despite of inhumane act from hungry people
Despite of slavery act from GREEDY people
Despite of killing within and between YOU
Despite of being crushed and squeezed
Despite of losing everything

Because you are the most generous one
Because you are the most beautiful one
Because you are the most wonderful one in the whole world


Because we are one
Because you are the oldest brothers and sisters from one family
You have to be ready to change—compassion and joy
You have to be ready to have new life—worldwide peace
You have to be ready to stand on your own feet—oneness
Searing Black
Living in scorching hot.

Mother Earth, Father Sun, Grandmother Moon

We live in this world on this planet at this time with Mother Earth, Father Sun, and Grandmother Moon since the creation.

I need to learn my heart to be opened in Father Sun to receive his energy so that I can obtain strength, power, stamina, and encouragement. Father Sun’s invincible force is to push energy downward.

I need to learn my body to be grounded in Mother Earth to receive her energy so that I can improve stabilization, balance, steadiness, and reliability. Mother Earth’s invincible force is to push energy upward.

I need to learn my soul to be instructed in Grandmother Moon to receive her energy so that I can enrich flexibility, wisdom, understanding, and good judgment. Grandmother Moon’s invincible force is to control our emotion and our cycle.


With Grandmother Moon’s instruction, Father Sun’s energy, and Mother Earth’s support, we will change at this time. We will be one—Global Oneness. Because we are all brothers and sisters from the same family— born of the same Mother—but evolved differently.


Cheerful energy from Father Sun, cool energy from Mother Earth and contemplative energy from Grandmother Moon balance in harmony.


I feel gratitude that I am here on this planet at this time to experience this interconnectedness and fullness, which bring richness and abundance into my spirit. In my prayer, I say, "thank you for fresh air, trees, flowers, and everything to give me the nature's positive energy. I feel you all. I love you all. Thank you for sharing your journey with me. Thank you and thank you! What a beautiful world!

I want us to be happy! Because we are one family from one mother. Because we are one!

After having a near-death experience, I found love, happiness and peace in my backyard garden. 
Everyday, I am gathering and filtering lots and lots of positive nourishing energy from my backyard garden and redistributing acquired energy throughout the world into our universe. I am confident that I can do it with the help of Mother Earth, Father Sun, and Grandmother Moon.
 
Because I want to see peace in our world and NO more wars, my intention of peace for EVERYTHING is in my reality. Because I want to see happiness in our world, my intention of happiness for EVERYONE is in my reality. Because I want to enjoy loving relationships for EVERYTHING, my intention of loving relationships for ALL and for EVERYTHING is in my reality.

I hope all of us to find oneness!

I wish all of us to find happiness!

My Happy Blue Flax Flower

Love my Blue Flax Flower!

Flax flower @ morning

Flax flower @ early evening

Love my Blue Flax Flower



Love the color of sky-blue
Pretty little sky-blue flowers
Flowers are only one to two centimeters in diameter
Love it with five leaves
Five blue pistils
Five flax stamens
Five stigma lobes are covered by pollen at the tip of each stigma
Love it in the morning and in full sunlight with full bloom
Because the day starts

Turning into Father Sun
As the Father Sun touches the plant, new birth with five leaves begin
Five as human number
Gorgeous flower in a fantastic delicacy


Love it in the afternoon with full rest
Because the night comes

Turning away from Father Sun
As Mother Earth works on the Flax plant
Mother Earth nourish it with her love
Preparing for the rest
Dropping all the petals off on the same day

New birth is on the way with enlarging ovaries
Generating Flax seed become seed pods



Love my Sky-blue Flax
Its beauty and delicacy resembles the universe
Showing the color of sky-blue
Bounding to the perpetual cycle of birth, death, and rebirth
Delicacy of nature
Natural tones and colors
Marry with the strength of the cosmos.

Each day, new flowers open
Creating a lovely sky-blue potpourri of petals

Each day, new life starts
Each day, new emerging flower
Each day, new life rests
Each day, new awakening
Each day, new Rebirth!

We Are One

This shot was from my frontyard. Wild daisies and sage flowers, almost every day, I stand in front of these flowers and breathe gently and slowly. This gives me centering myself in spirit and grounding myself in appreciation.  Thank you for giving me your bright energy to me!

Thank you for showing me your harmonious living, which bring peace a sense of balance in my life!

We Are One

From dirt, we all come

To dirt, we all go back

We do not seem to know

We are brothers and sisters from one mother

We are one

From empty hand, we all come

To empty hand, we all go back

We do not seem to know

We are soooooooo beautiful

We are one

From mother earth, we all come

To mother earth, we all go back

We do not seem to know

We are all connected each other

We are one

From mother nature, we all come

To mother nature, we all go back

We do not seem to know

We will become one perfect body—oneness—undivided whole

We are one