Near-death from My Rupture!
Author: YoonOk KimI am on my knees in my garden with my feet and my two hands, like roots, connecting with the warmth of the mother soil.
Now, I am ready to look back.
On February 23, 2007, I woke up in the critical ICU at Albany Medical Center due to a brain aneurysm rupture.
I vaguely remembered I had terrible headache during my lunch break at a restaurant.
I was with my co-worker, Erin, and collapsed the day before on February 22, 2007.
I did not realize what had happened to me, or what was wrong with me.
My memories from inside of me were like many broken bits of a glass mirror.
Not coherent, but scattered here and there.
~~~over here and over there.
I am now grabbing fragmented or broken mirror parts to learn the importance of my life.
With my feet and my two hands, like roots, the mother soil awakens me to connect with my inner-soul and those bits and pieces.
Each pieces contained different memories, and in order to put them together, I needed special glue—something that I called, "Soul-Soil Glue" from Mother earth's Love.
This is to gather broken bits of glass mirror.
One broken piece of glass tells me that there is one gentleman, who told me with genuine voice,
"You will be fine. We called 911, and they will be here shortly. You will be fine."
I want to say, "Yes, I will be fine. I will be OK!", but it never come out of my mouth into the real physical realm.
It's evident that he has the most sincere and genuine voice, but my broken memory tells me that I am lying comfortably on the room floor with some cushions around me to help me to bring the feeling of ease and comfort.
I also hear Erin's voice, but strangely, it is not in the restaurant.
I suppose to be in the restaurant, isn't it?
Where am I?
How come I am in the room, not in the restaurant?
I know I am sweating with soaking wet.
~~~My back felt like I just come out of the shower.
~~~soaking wet, from the sweating shower.
I know I vomited everything I ate during and after collapsing.
But, Where am I?
I am lying comfortably on the room floor, and the gentleman is talking to me to ease my mind.
-----------------
I later asked Erin whether I was the room floor lying before ambulance came or it was really only an illusion.
Erin explained that once I collapsed, that gentleman and people working in the restaurant moved me to the restaurant room so that I lay on my back for better breathing in a stable and relaxed position.
Erin thought that that gentleman seemed a medical doctor who knew what he was doing.
He shouted to call emergency and instantly suggested to transfer me to the restaurant room.
He immediately unbuttoned my clothes for better breathing and ordered people how to hold my collapsed body.
With his order, the restaurant people and that gentleman moved my collapsed body.
Erin did not know him, and I still do not know who that gentleman was to help me on the most critical time of my life.
So I never had a chance to say, "Thank You" to the gentleman.
-----------------
Another broken piece of glass tells me that I am asked, "What is your name?"
~~~"What do you live?"
~~~"What is your family contact?"
~~~"What is your parent's name?"
Now, I am in the hospital, ER.
Hospital staffs ask if I have any family in America.
I tell them, "All my family live in Korea."
I am tired and do not want to talk.
People keep shaking and waking me up and ask me many questions.
They also want to call my family living in Korea.
I tell them clearly, "My family can't speak English. Please do not call. I will call my family when I get better."
~~~Please do not call my family!
~~~My mom and dad died!
~~~Please do not call my family!
~~~I have two sisters and one brother living in Korea!
~~~Please do not call my family!
~~~My family can't speak English.
~~~Please do not call my family!
They insist they need to call.
I insist that there is NO use to call right now.
I am very tired and do not want to talk.
Please do not bother!
Leave me alone!
I will be fine!
~~~Please do not call my family!
-----------------
I felt as if I was dragging or zoning into some different dimension.
I just wanted to sleep~~~deep sleep~~~ deeper into the deepest sleep~~~.
But people kept bothering me~~~shaking my body~~~waking me.
Poking me~~~checking me for something~~~asking some *annoying* questions.
Please do not bother!
Let me go!
I will be fine!
I felt a heavy pressure, pressing and pulling me to go deeper and deeper than the real...
~~~sinking deep and deep into deeper than ocean
~~~drifting further and deeper than anything I have ever known.
~~~deeper than the deepest the boundless mother earth.
~~~deeper and deeper into the deepest sleep I have ever had.
Please do not bother!
Let me go!
I just want to sleep!
I will be fine!
-----------------
I feel I do not need to resist, but follow the flow emerging into the deeper than the bottom.
I also feel something ~~~there is something grabbing me.
~~~ grabbing my body by both sides by some mystical forces.
~~~ both forces grabbing from both sides.
~~~grabbing and pulling on me.
~~~to grab and to pull on my body.
I felt as if I am the White Ribbon in the middle of a tug-of-war rope.
~~~with each side trying to grab and to pull over my body.
~~~with each side trying pulling really hard.
~~~with each side trying without concession.
~~~with each side trying their best pulling.
I am in between the grabbing and the pulling!
I am in the game of tug-of-war, where two forces were trying their best.
I am in between the holding!
I am in between the DOOR!
DOOR between known force—life;
Unknown force—death.
I am very tired and do not want to resist.
Please do not bother!
Please leave me alone!
Let me go!
I will be fine!
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/non-fiction-articles/near-death-from-my-rupture-4507311.html
About the Author
YoonOk began writing in 2007 after experiencing a near-death from her brain aneurysm rupture. After more than one month of hospitalization in the ICU, she came home with many setbacks.
When she felt she had NO hope and NO life, her backyard welcomed her to start new life...a new chapter. By working in the soil, planting seeds, and connecting to mother earth, she asked herself, "Who am I?".
With her feet and her two hands, like roots, connecting with the warmth of the mother soil, she dig up the soil to plant seeds of love and healing.
In the same way she dig in her garden, she dig up the story of her mother and her grandmother, while the history of her birth land, Korea, lingers in the background. Suddenly, something clicked, and initially, she did not know what it was. Because she never thought that way, but she now realizes that her family story is a part of history--not separate from it. Through the rootedness from the plants, she now feels and smells the soil.
This was how she started writing her stories to understand the root.
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