Three year-old woman from the East

On February 23, 2007, I woke up in the critical ICU at Albany Medical Center due to a brain aneurysm rupture. The first surgery consisted of a neurosurgeons’ drilling on my head in order to drain the blood. My neurosurgeon explained that I should think of my brain as having had bombing attack. So it was a war against my body. Hospital showed extra care when draining the fluid from my ruptured brain, taking a long time to drain the blood. When I wanted to change my body positions, I had to let the nurse know so that the nurses and patient assistants had to move all the monitoring wires and draining equipment to the other side. They had to make sure the draining equipment and my eyes were parallel, otherwise I would suffer a terrible headache or increase my brain pressure, which could cause death. From this procedure, I learned that I had been taking for granted so many things without realizing. So I have learned to be humbled. So I have learned not to take things for granted. After more than one month of hospitalization in both the critical ICU and the regular ICU, I came home, but I was very weak-- I could not even walk properly, and I could not sit or stand more than one hour. I was only allowed to go upstairs in my house with an adult’s supervision. Visiting nurses and visiting physical therapists were assigned to teach me how to dress, how to walk, how to go upstairs, and how to take a shower.

The first thing I did was turn my backyard into an organic vegetable garden. By working in the soil, planting seeds, and connecting to mother earth, I recovered and reconnected to memories and lessons from (1) my mom— a “food alchemist” who said that love is the most important ingredient in both the cooking and sharing of food; (2) my grandmother—a “peace warrior,” who converted, into compassion, her resentment and the pain of losing everything from multiple wars, and from (3) the land of my birth, Korea— the “mo(u)rning land” full of crying souls, and filled with wisdom and determination through gathered from hardship and suffering . This recultivation of my roots has been one of the blessings of my sickness. I did not have any intention of seeking spiritual growth, but found that it came naturally through my healing journey.

During healing, I have reconnected to nature and mother earth, using back-to-basics and back-to-nature gardening, cooking and healing methods. As I write this, I approached 3 years anniversary since the day I woke up in the hospital. To this date, I have had only four brain-related surgeries, and I have only some setbacks. The biggest change in my life after my life being near-death experience would not take things for granted, which make me appreciate my life more and live every day to the fullest. My healing journey has made me live everyday as if it were my last day. I am not the same person prior to my sickness. I am different as search for underlying causes and look deeper and deeper to find truth in a logical way. My healing journey has been beautiful. Overall, I feel wonderful! I have created my own utopia in my home and my yard, where I can breathe freely and experience peace and love, and the fifth dimension, which perceives and understands our physical universe into the sense of being whole.

Since the rupture, I consider my self “three year-old woman from the East” who has been gifted a second life. I honor the dead people and their souls to heal them through the themes of nourishment, love, and compassion.